SHARING IS GOOD, BUT SOMETIMES THE INFORMATION YOU'RE SHARING IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH

Dear Emily: I just can't help myself.  Sometimes I just blurt it out - "My Ex- Girlfriend Cheated On Me!"  And usually within the first 15 minutes of the date I can see my date's eyes glaze over, and I can only imagine that she must be thinking, "Why would his girlfriend cheat? Is he lousy in bed?" I don't know if I think that someone will come along who will say, "Oh, honey, I would never do that to you," or what. I don't even know why I feel compelled to tell the women I meet this happened to me. Is my need to share this ruining any new potential relationship I could have? And did I mention that I have only been on a bunch of first dates since the break-up with the gal I thought was "the one" 6 months ago? Help me to get a second date, at least? Signed: Loose Lips Sink Ships.

Dear Loose Lips Sink Ships: This is in the realm of TMI - Too Much Information. You have to exercise a little restraint. It sounds a little bit like you're looking for someone to tell you that there's nothing wrong with you. Instead, you're being reinforced that there is something wrong with you, when these women don't want a second bite at your Adam's Apple. Your girlfriend could have cheated on you for many reasons that have nothing to do with your skills as a lover. Maybe she has issues - certainly every one does. So don't beat yourself up too much. In Jerry Maguire, Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger) says to Jerry Maguire (played by Tom Cruise) on their first dinner date, when they almost started down a very dark conversational path, "Let's not tell our sad stories." Talking about ex's is not first date conversational material. It's just not.  Period. End of story. At some point, when you are both comfortable sharing stories about past loves and past disappointments, then and only then should you reveal that your girlfriend cheated on you. In telling someone else that happened to you, you're revealing so much about yourself - your vulnerability, your fears, your anger. If you reveal that too soon, the other person may say, "He's not ready yet for someone new," or "he's too bitter" or "he probably hates women" - again, lots of things that have absolutely nothing to do with your skills as a lover, but are perhaps even more unattractive to many women. And in sharing too much too soon, you may be building a false sense of intimacy. It's a first date, so keep it lite. And just to be clear, if you find yourself running short on things to talk about, don't make the mistake of opening up topics like Religion, Politics or Money - as those, along with Past Relationships, can really get you into trouble!

THINKING ABOUT HAVING KIDS ON YOUR OWN - TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

Dear Emily: I am 37 years old, and I am thinking about my biological clock. I've been seeing a fertility doctor and am trying to get pregnant via ye 'ole sperm bank.  I have been seeing a guy for the past 2 months, and I haven't told him about my plans.  (We're all about safe sex, by the way!)  I really like this guy, and I think he likes me, and I feel like we could last, but I don't know how he'll react if I tell him that I'd been trying to get pregnant before I ever met him and that I plan to continue to try despite how well things are going between us (so far).  I don't want to lose him, but I can't give up my dream to have a child either - especially if our relationship doesn't go the distance. Time is ticking. Your thoughts? Signed: Clock-Watcher.

Dear Clock-Watcher: So your biological clock is ticking. Yours and millions of other women's. You have to think of your opportunity to be a Mom first. Your time is limited already, as at 37, you're no spring chicken by Mommy Standards. You obviously are concerned that if you tell him, he'll go running for the door. If he does, you should be glad to say good-bye. It's obviously too soon to ask him if he wants to have a kid with you and be a substitute for the sperm donor you no doubt spent hours and hours deciding upon. And that donor is a no-strings-attached-kind-of-"dad" - so unless you plan to share decision-making about where your kid is going to school with someone whom you've only known for a short while, I say, stick with the sperm donor for now. But I think your real question is: "Is this guy going to hang around after I tell him my plans?" Most men do not want to raise another man's child. That's a biological fact of life. So this will be a real test of whether he's going to be your keeper. In As Good as It Gets, the leading female character, Carol (played by Helen Hunt) brings home a date, and when his hand winds up in some "spit up" on her dress, he quickly wraps up the evening, indicating that it was "Just a little too much reality for a Friday night." Hopefully that's not your guy. The world of Parents Without Partners and other people who want family in whatever form it comes in will open for you once you have a child, so if this guy doesn't stick around, just say, "Next!"

Emily has a doctorate in Social Psychology and is a proponent of on-line dating as another way of meeting people. She is Single and lives in New York City.