Q: Dear Emily: I just got a pink-slip from my employer, and I am really having a hard time with the dating scene, explaining to men that I am out of work.  My company is in the financial services sector.  I worked as an Executive Assistant -- mind you a very well paid one.  Given the economy, I have been laid off, like a lot of the executives with which I worked including my boss, who was headed for retirement anyway, so he can't "save me" from the unemployment line.  I really got a lot of my identity out of being able to say I worked for this big successful company, and I also was making good money to support a lifestyle I may have to change, given my money situation.  I have been on a few dates since I was laid off, but none of them have gone well.  When the guy asks what I do for a living, I have said things like "I'm not working right now" or "I just lost my job".  I don't know if things would have gone anywhere with these guys, but I know that, after they ask me about my job, they either go into "therapy mode" or look at me like I'm a "loser" and the date is a total drag.  I need some advice here.  How do I tell people about my situation without sounding like Im a failure?  No one wants a failure for a girlfriend, much less a wife.  Help!  Signed:  Fired But Still Feisty.

A:  Dear Fired But Still Feisty:  It's always hard to lose a job.  You may feel down, even somewhat depressed.  That's natural, of course, but when you're just meeting a new person, you want to project positive energy, so you'll have to work extra hard to fight off those negative feelings so you can give your date an upbeat experience and increase your chances of being asked out for a second time.  Being fired is difficult because it reminds you of any weaknesses you have as an employee -- indeed, as a person, and if you don't have a lot of savings, you may feel really insecure.  You may have not been a particularly valuable member of the team, or you may have been great, but just underappreciated; you also could simply have been fired because of the company's economic situation just as they apparently said.  Whatever the cause, your experience is that you don't "belong", and it sounds like belonging to this company's organization was extremely important to you.  Every person's identity is tied to his or her job; men experience this even more than women.  So when you lose a job, you lose a piece of yourself.  The best way to handle telling people about it is not to use negative language.  Don't say, "I was fired" or even what you were saying, which was certainly not as harsh.  Try to frame the statements in a positive way; say things like, "I am looking for new opportunities" or "It was time for a change anyway".  These type of statements will help you feel better about yourself and your situation, and then you can talk about the things you are doing to find a job which are proactive, and therefore positive.  Try to avoid giving your date a hard-luck story or making it seem like you're a charity case, especially if he's picking up the tab.  If you don't have a lot of money and the person is expecting you to "Go Dutch", then try to keep control of where you go for the date, so to keep within a budget.  Many women make less than the men with whom they are involved, so for men, it's not that unusual for the women they see to be in a less financially successful place than they are; it's okay for you to be a little vulnerable.  Many men actual like that in women.  Just know that you aren't a failure because you lost a job.  Jobs come and go, and if anything, meeting someone when you're a little down on your luck can tell you what kind of character your date has.  If he runs screaming for the hills over something as replaceable as a job, what kind of life partner would he be when something really serious were to happen?  Being out of work affords you a lot of opportunities not only to look for a new job, but also to plan lots of dates, so get out there and meet as many people as possible, because once you get your new job, you might not have as much free time for dating.  Enjoy the time off, and stay positive!

Q: Dear Emily: I have been attracted to one of my co-workers at the pharmaceutical company that we both work for, but I was involved with someone else until recently, so I hadn't previously done anything except flirt a little with her.  Now that I'm a free man, I am really excited about the prospect of going out with her and plan to ask her out soon.  But I am concerned that if it doesn't work out with her, things could be "strange" at work.  We don't work together directly, but I see her every day, and we have a ton of work-friends in common.  If it doesn't go well, how should I handle it so as not to mess things up at the office?  Signed:  Work-Place Would-Be Dater.

A: Dear Work-Place Would-Be Dater:  Well, well, well...  You know the old adage "Don't dip your pen in the company's ink" or the other one "Don't sh*t where you eat".  Take heed, as these warnings can only be given once.  After the first date, you can never go back to exactly the way things were.  Workplace romances are extremely common.  Indeed, people spend most of their waking lives working, so it's only natural that you would find someone you click with at your job.  But is it worth the risk?  This relationship better be the one, or you may just be looking for a new job.  Also, you have to consider whether the company has any policies against office romances.  If the company you are working for prohibits dating between co-workers, then you should seriously think twice about asking her out.  You didn't say, but I assume you're not her boss or otherwise in a superior position to her.  If you are above her in the food chain, then really watch out; if things don't go well, not only could you lose your job, but you and your company may also be facing a sexual harassment claim by a disgruntled employee.  There are pluses and minuses, even if the date becomes a real relationship.  There are some people that get along no matter how much time they spend together, and there are others where absence makes the heart grow fonder, so seeing her every day, several times a day, may or may not be good for your love life.  And know that even if you are successful in your dating life, you may wreck your work life.  Worst case you are 0 and 2 that is, you don't have a relationship AND you don't have a job.  But if it's worth the risk, AND your employer doesn't otherwise care AND you're not her superior, then go for it; but go ahead and prepare your resume -- just in case. 

Emily has a doctorate in Social Psychology and is a proponent of on-line dating as another way of meeting people. She is Single and lives in New York City.